Poetry

I, shaking in my boots (well, actually I'm barefoot, but no matter), am about to post some of my poetry on the large crtiqueing pool known as the internet.
Most of my poems are very personal, and also morbid, so I don't like doing this. Chances are, no one will read it anyway.
Most of my poems rhyme, but today I was kind of inspired to try and write non-rhyming ones by some people on a Young Writers forum.

Number 1, which (Thankfully) still has some rhymes in it:

Hides in the darkness of her dreams,
She won't show you what she feels
She holds it close, but it's not as it seems,
Behind her mask lies her lost soul.

She stares ahead
bruises hidden beneath her skin,
Not as thick as it seems.
Even she doesn't understand
A dam breaks,
A flood releases,
Emotions, lying, broken on the floor.
She hides her face
Cries herself to sleep
her only hopes are dreams of light,
Dashed away by her peers.

Can you see this girl?
She stands tall, alone, and proud
But this so-called pride hides her true face
Someday, it will be her shroud.

That's the better of the two, in my opinion. This next one is about the misunderstandings teenagers go through at school, but can really be applied to anyone who feels misunderstood, I think. As I said, No rhymes. (Bllrggh!) I like rhyming, and have never written any non-rhyming poetry before, so here goes:

My identity lost,
In what these others think of me,
What do they think?
Who do they think
I am?

The girl who:
Sits alone
Stands alone
Walks alone

The girl who:
whispers an answer to a question
Answers arubtly, rudely, simply
Is Not Their Friend.

This girl who:
never speaks
hides her feelings
scribbles in a notebook

The girl who:
mumbles a reply to my hello
Is too rude to speak to us
Won't lower herself to our level.

Is this how they see me,
I wonder through tears?
And is how I see them
Any better?

I think of them as:
rude
Cold
uncaring

I think of them as:
People unwilling to be friendly
People who won't reach out to a shy girl
People who let me stand alone.

I think of them as:
Confusing,
Those who ask questions to which I have no answer
and talk about subjects I can't comprehend.

Perhaps
We are all scared of each other.
Perhaps
If only I could find the words,
things would be different.
Perhaps...
Someday, I will think of them as friends.


....yeah. That's it. They're both rubbish but nevertheless, if anyone is reading this, I would appreciate your opinion on my (bad) poetry.
Thanks for reading!
from
Tamsin